To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.”

Author: Michel de Montaigne

I realized that I had died and been reborn numberless times but just didn’t remember because the transitions from life to death and back are so ghostly easy, a magical action for naught, like falling asleep and waking up again a million times, the utter casualness and deep ignorance of it.

Author: W. H. Auden

 

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Author: W. H. Auden

Pagan funeral, or simply a non christian option?

Up until 30 years ago, most if not all funeral ceremonies were performed in by a religious minister. Not because everybody wanted it that way, there just simply were no other alternatives.

Fortunately, these days there are much more options for people. However there still remains a division between Religious and non religious ceremonies – and somewhere in the middle is the need for funerals that cater for the needs of pagankin.

For some, paganism is a way of life, but more a spirituality rather than a religion. For others it is most definitely their religion, even if it is not a recognised religion here in Australia. Whether the government, or indeed other religious institutions, recognise Paganism, Wicca, Witchcraft, or any of the many other types of spirituality that fall under the umbrella term of Pagan; there is now a growing demand for celebrants and ministers/priests of different pagan faiths to perform rites and funeral ceremonies in Australia. In the 2001 census by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, over 24,000 people described themselves as Pagan. In 2011, that number increased to 32,083. And that is just the people who declare their faith. There are many others who prefer to keep this information more private. Pagan celebrations are becoming more widely acknowledged and accepted, although we still have a long way to go.

A common occurrence with wedding ceremonies is the inclusion of many pagan rituals and beliefs, and with this happening, there is a call for more pagan Priest/ess and celebrants who know what they are doing. So it follows that this should be the same with pagan funerals and memorials. More and more of us want our funeral to be held up to reflect the way we lived our lives – and why shouldn’t we?

I can think of nothing more insulting than a celebrant, who has no spiritual beliefs to be standing up and performing a christian ceremony of any sorts. Words hold power, and when the words are spoken by someone who has no understanding, respect or affinity with the belief and comfort behind those words, it becomes empty. This applies to paganism and its many ceremonies. Why would a person who is christian, or atheist, want to stand up and speak the words that they either cannot comprehend, disagree with or as in some cases, openly mock or treat with distain. Now most celebrants have ethics and morals, and politely decline to do ceremonies of any kind that they have a personal issue with. Rather than be critical of people like this, I offer them a degree of respect. I may not agree with their reasoning, but they at least have enough respect for potential clients to be able to see that they are not going to be able to fulfill the needs required and expected.

Unfortunately, there are people who will take your money, and say the words, because for them, it’s just a job. They don’t have a spirituality, or it may be different to yours. But the bottom line is, they don’t care. About you, about your beliefs or about the ceremony. What they do care about is money. So ask yourself, when it comes to organising any ceremony, including funerals, why would a pagan want a non pagan doing their funeral?

I’m not referring to myself at the moment, I am pagan – loud and proud! But I would no more stand up and Christian service and speak the words of the bible than I would expect the Pope to recite the Wiccan Rede. That’s not to say that I haven’t been involved in ceremonies with Christian flavour. I am open minded, I believe that ultimately all spirituality leads back to whatever the Source is, it just feels hypocritical to be saying words I don’t believe, so in these instances, I include other people in the service, people who do believe what they are saying. It’s not my place to judge their beliefs; it is my place to judge my right to promote myself speaking a religion’s values that I don’t feel comfortable with.

In my experience, for the pagan who wants to have a funeral that openly reflects their life, organisation is the key. Whether you have a family member, friend, covenmate, Priest/ess or celebrant, you need to organise what sort of ritual you want. Too often, funerals are organised by grieving family or friends. In their grief, they may make choices that comfort themselves, but are not true to you or your life. This includes reverting to religious ceremonies that may be the opposite of who you were in your life, including exclusion of people who remind them of their disagreement of your choices. This is a very common and often traumatic time for all concerned. So if your funeral is important to you, including the people you want included and comforted – then do them a favour. Put the fear aside, and organise it. Get your will written and witnessed. It’s the best care you give to the people you love.

The only way we can get our own pagan practices included in the mainstream funeral industry is if we are prepared. Many funeral directors are willing to accommodate what we would like. The problem lies with lack of information and time because too often there are only days to pull something together. The responsibility then doesn’t then lie with the funeral industry, it lies with us. And only we Pagans can change things.