To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.”

Author: Michel de Montaigne

Research, research, more research and then maybe a little bit more

You would think that simply typing the phrase ‘Natural Burial Cemeteries in Melbourne, Australia’ would lead to a fairly quick list of options in not only Victoria, but also Australia wouldn’t you?

Yeah, good on you! You are as naïve as I am.

So for anyone looking for a Cemetery or Memorial park that offers Natural Burial or Cremains Interment options, meaning the container or cremains are placed into the ground and a plaque/tree/bush is placed as a marker, I shall endeavour to provide such information here.

Please note, I may not have collected all names yet, but will add them to the list as I find them.

Natural Burial and Memorial Parks

Wirra Wonga, Enfield Park, South Australia

Lismore Memorial Park, New South Wales

Lilydale Memorial Park, Victoria

Kingston Cemetery, Tasmania

Fremantle Cemetery, Western Australia

Lake Macquarie Memorial Park, Ryhope, New South Wales

Sydney Natural Burial Park, Kemps Creek, New South Wales

Cambewarra Cemetery, Nowra, New South Wales

Lismore Memorial Gardens Bushland Cemetery, Goonellabah, New South Wales.

Pagan funeral, or simply a non christian option?

Up until 30 years ago, most if not all funeral ceremonies were performed in by a religious minister. Not because everybody wanted it that way, there just simply were no other alternatives.

Fortunately, these days there are much more options for people. However there still remains a division between Religious and non religious ceremonies – and somewhere in the middle is the need for funerals that cater for the needs of pagankin.

For some, paganism is a way of life, but more a spirituality rather than a religion. For others it is most definitely their religion, even if it is not a recognised religion here in Australia. Whether the government, or indeed other religious institutions, recognise Paganism, Wicca, Witchcraft, or any of the many other types of spirituality that fall under the umbrella term of Pagan; there is now a growing demand for celebrants and ministers/priests of different pagan faiths to perform rites and funeral ceremonies in Australia. In the 2001 census by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, over 24,000 people described themselves as Pagan. In 2011, that number increased to 32,083. And that is just the people who declare their faith. There are many others who prefer to keep this information more private. Pagan celebrations are becoming more widely acknowledged and accepted, although we still have a long way to go.

A common occurrence with wedding ceremonies is the inclusion of many pagan rituals and beliefs, and with this happening, there is a call for more pagan Priest/ess and celebrants who know what they are doing. So it follows that this should be the same with pagan funerals and memorials. More and more of us want our funeral to be held up to reflect the way we lived our lives – and why shouldn’t we?

I can think of nothing more insulting than a celebrant, who has no spiritual beliefs to be standing up and performing a christian ceremony of any sorts. Words hold power, and when the words are spoken by someone who has no understanding, respect or affinity with the belief and comfort behind those words, it becomes empty. This applies to paganism and its many ceremonies. Why would a person who is christian, or atheist, want to stand up and speak the words that they either cannot comprehend, disagree with or as in some cases, openly mock or treat with distain. Now most celebrants have ethics and morals, and politely decline to do ceremonies of any kind that they have a personal issue with. Rather than be critical of people like this, I offer them a degree of respect. I may not agree with their reasoning, but they at least have enough respect for potential clients to be able to see that they are not going to be able to fulfill the needs required and expected.

Unfortunately, there are people who will take your money, and say the words, because for them, it’s just a job. They don’t have a spirituality, or it may be different to yours. But the bottom line is, they don’t care. About you, about your beliefs or about the ceremony. What they do care about is money. So ask yourself, when it comes to organising any ceremony, including funerals, why would a pagan want a non pagan doing their funeral?

I’m not referring to myself at the moment, I am pagan – loud and proud! But I would no more stand up and Christian service and speak the words of the bible than I would expect the Pope to recite the Wiccan Rede. That’s not to say that I haven’t been involved in ceremonies with Christian flavour. I am open minded, I believe that ultimately all spirituality leads back to whatever the Source is, it just feels hypocritical to be saying words I don’t believe, so in these instances, I include other people in the service, people who do believe what they are saying. It’s not my place to judge their beliefs; it is my place to judge my right to promote myself speaking a religion’s values that I don’t feel comfortable with.

In my experience, for the pagan who wants to have a funeral that openly reflects their life, organisation is the key. Whether you have a family member, friend, covenmate, Priest/ess or celebrant, you need to organise what sort of ritual you want. Too often, funerals are organised by grieving family or friends. In their grief, they may make choices that comfort themselves, but are not true to you or your life. This includes reverting to religious ceremonies that may be the opposite of who you were in your life, including exclusion of people who remind them of their disagreement of your choices. This is a very common and often traumatic time for all concerned. So if your funeral is important to you, including the people you want included and comforted – then do them a favour. Put the fear aside, and organise it. Get your will written and witnessed. It’s the best care you give to the people you love.

The only way we can get our own pagan practices included in the mainstream funeral industry is if we are prepared. Many funeral directors are willing to accommodate what we would like. The problem lies with lack of information and time because too often there are only days to pull something together. The responsibility then doesn’t then lie with the funeral industry, it lies with us. And only we Pagans can change things.

Do not Weep for me – Pagan Funeral Poem

Do not weep for me for I have not gone.
I am the wind that shakes the mighty Oak.
I am the gentle rain that falls upon your face.
I am the spring flower that pushes through the dark earth.
I am the chuckling laughter of the mountain stream.
Do not weep for me for I have not gone.

I am the memory that dwells in the heart of those that knew me.
I am the shadow that dances on the edge of your vision.
I am the wild goose that flies south at Autumns call and I shall return at Summer rising.
I am the stag on the wild hills way.
I am just around the corner.

Therefore, the wise weep not.
But rejoice at the transformation of my Being.

(Author Unknown)

Good vibrations from Promession?

A very new concept being developed in Sweden by Promessa Organic AB.

From an article on http://www.dailyundertaker.com/2008/09/promession-return-to-living-soil.html :

 The process of promession involves a promator, freezing human remains in liquid nitrogen (a byproduct of the compressed oxygen produced already for medical purposes.) Once frozen, the casket and remains are agitated with a shaking motion from a table below them, causing them to shatter into tiny pieces. These pieces are then freeze dried to remove all the moisture from them. Metals are then separated, and after being laid in a biodegradable coffin can be buried, returning all the nutritious components to the soil.

 

For more information, including the all important effects, and results of promession, I encourage readers to head to the webpage of Promessa Organic AB http://www.promessa.se/en/facts/ and read for themselves.

 

This could be a very viable eco friendly option to be considered here in Australia

Eternal Reef memorials

What an awesome idea. I just stumbles across it so now need to make enquiries about whether it can be done in Australia.

The cremains of the deceased are mixed with concrete and place in an area where a reef needs replenishment or reparation.

The memorial is an orb, and idea for fish and other aquatic life to  use to rebuild their habitat.

In the US, http://www.eternalreefs.com/ offers this service, however I am yet to find an advertised Australian business offering anything similar

I shall keep trying though!!

 

Running Sheet for a standard Funeral (guidelines)

 Funeral service

 Music playing as guests arrive and mingle

 _______(title)________________

by

________(artist)_______________

Guests sign guest books

Song playing as guests are being seated

  _______(title)________________

by

________(artist)_______________

Guests receive a program

Opening & welcome

Eulogy

Reading

 Friends/Family memories

Poems

 DVD presentation

 _______(title)________________

by

________(artist)_______________

Committal of body for cremation or burial

 _______(title)________________

by

________(artist)_______________

 Instructions

Drinks (Tea, Coffee, Juice) & Light refreshments (Sandwiches, scones, finger food)

 Farewell

  _______(title)________________

by

________(artist)_______________

 

Transition of the Departed Ritual

© Jennifer Runham-Stark, January 31 2009

Items Needed:
feather (optional)
bowl of salt water
3 rose quartz crystals (unconditional love)
3 moonstone crystals (healing, connection to Goddess)
3 amethyst crystals (heightened spiritual connection)
white candle for Goddess
candle for the departed (their favourite colour, or blue for male/pink for female)
purple candle for loved ones left behind
9 black candles to banish negativity
knife (to carve candles)
incense

Ritual:

Carve an ankh on one side of the white Goddess candle and the hieroglyph for Nephthys (seen in the images on this page, crowning Her head) on the other side; if you can’t fit this on the candle, write both symbols on a slip of paper and place it underneath the candle’s holder. Carve the name of the deceased on their candle. Carve a heart on the loved ones’ candle. Carve an ankh on each of the black candles. Place the departed and loved ones candles in the centre of the altar with the Goddess candle, forming a triangle or pyramid with the Goddess candle at the top point. Place the crystals in a circle around these candles, alternating rose quartz, moonstone, and amethyst. Then place the black candles in a circle surrounding the crystals and triangle of candles, so that you end up with a triangle enclosed in two concentric circles. You can decorate the space with pictures of the deceased, or cherished items that bring fond memories of him/her.

Purify the space and participants with salt water, sprinkling it either with your fingers or with a feather. Light the incense and black candles. Cast the circle. Call the elements. Invoke Nephthys, lighting the Goddess candle and saying:

“Lady of the House of the Gods,
Guardian of the departed,
Goddess of transition,
Transformation and magick,
Nephthys, hear this plea!
Come to this space, come to me!

Daughter of Nut who
Sparkles in the night,
Daughter of Geb whose
Body we walk upon,
Blessed Nephthys, hear this plea!
Come to this space, come to me!

Loyal sister of Osiris,
Protector of His body and soul,
Twin sister of Isis,
Loving Queen and Priestess,
Beloved Nephthys, hear this plea!
Come to this space, come to me!”

Light the candle for the departed, saying:

“Gone from our sides is _______________,
Gone yet never forgotten.
S/he has passed through the
Veil between our world and
That of the dead; s/he
Stands before You, needing
Guidance to her/his next life.
Wrap your comforting wings
Around _____________, bringing
Peace to her/his heart, healing
All ills, soothing all troubles.
There is no pain. There is no
Suffering. There is only
Love, hope and serenity.
We entrust our loved on
To you, beloved Lady,
Knowing s/he shall come to
No harm, and shall be reborn
At a time of her/his choosing.”

Light the candle for the loved ones, saying:

“Still in this world dwell
Those whose hearts ache
Now with sorrow, longing
For ____________ who has departed.
May they feel the warmth
Of your breath upon their
Tear-stained cheeks,
And the loving weight of your
Mighty wings about their shoulders.
Wipe away their tears.
Bring a song to their hearts
Once again. Let their minds
Fill not with sadness, but joy,
Celebrating the life that was
Shared with them by ______________.
Truly they have been blessed
With countless hours of love;
May their souls dwell upon it,
Rather than pain and longing.”

Ask the participants to share fond memories of the departed. When everyone has had a chance to share, have them all say in unison, “Safe journey to you, dear one!”

Close by saying:

“Beloved Lady,
She brings calm once more,
She who reveals that which
Is hidden in the moonlight,
Blessed Nephthys,
We whole-heartedly thank you.
Blessed be!”

Thank the elements. Open the circle. Extinguish the candles.

Share a feast featuring the favourite dishes of the deceased, and continue to share fond memories. Play music that was loved by the deceased, dance if you so choose, play games that brought you joy with the deceased. An extra place should be set at the table in honour of the departed. Have each person place a bite of food from their plate onto the plate of the deceased; likewise, have them place some wine/juice from their glass in the deceased’s glass. If possible, bury these offerings with the body/ashes of the deceased, along with the remnants of the ritual; if not, bury them in a hole on the property of the deceased.

 

Crystal memorials

In my research recently, I came across a company in Ohio that create beautiful crystal memorial eggs, much like the paperweights that sit on desks, that serve as a recipticle for a loved ones ashes (or portion thereof)

Now I have lots of nicknacks around my home, and they always seem to just gather dust. However, I really like the idea of this type of memorial.

1. They look attractive, but don’t necessarily scream ‘Look at me, I’m a dead person’s remains’.

2. Can be safely stored, or be out on display.

3. Would look lovely on a display with photos as an ancestor altar.

4. Can be passed down to future generations without the ‘OMG what am I going to do with this old box of someones’ ashes’. (refer back to point 1)

5. Can be used as a day to day item. Paperweight anyone?

Now, I haven’t been able to determine a price yet, as there are very few – read 1 going on 2, distributors in Australia. I am hoping to find out more in the nerar future as I think this idea may appeal to people, or at least give them another option

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http://www.crystalremembrance.com/

7 Stages of Grief…

This is a guide only, as I am not a qualified medical professional. However, it gives you a basic idea of the grief process. Remember that there is no set time limit for grieving, some will grieve quickly and some will take years. Neither is ‘better’ than the other, it is just that we are different. Please make sure you speak to family or friends, or a doctor if you feel you aren’t coping. Grief is a natural process, but we can’t live there forever.

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may  deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock  provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last  for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain.  Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience  the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or  drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do  with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. 

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame  for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage  to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up  emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to  bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will  never drink again if you just bring him back”) 

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long  period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of  grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

 During this time, you finally realize the true  magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on  purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of  the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

 5. THE UPWARD TURN-As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little  calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression”  begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find  yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your  loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and  reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-During this, the last of the seven stages in  this grief model, you learn to  accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not  necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have  experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed  before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.