7 Stages of Grief…

This is a guide only, as I am not a qualified medical professional. However, it gives you a basic idea of the grief process. Remember that there is no set time limit for grieving, some will grieve quickly and some will take years. Neither is ‘better’ than the other, it is just that we are different. Please make sure you speak to family or friends, or a doctor if you feel you aren’t coping. Grief is a natural process, but we can’t live there forever.

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may  deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock  provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last  for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain.  Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience  the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or  drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do  with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. 

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame  for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage  to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up  emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to  bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will  never drink again if you just bring him back”) 

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long  period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of  grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

 During this time, you finally realize the true  magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on  purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of  the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

 5. THE UPWARD TURN-As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little  calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression”  begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find  yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your  loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and  reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-During this, the last of the seven stages in  this grief model, you learn to  accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not  necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have  experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed  before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

 

 

Tasks and decisions when organising a funeral

Personal Information

* Full legal name

* Residential address

* Date of Birth

* Place of Birth

* Date of Marriage

* Spouse’s full name

* Occupation

* Next of Kin

* Doctor’s name and address

 

People to Contact

* Immediate family, even estranged members should be considered

* Close friends

* Executor of Will

* Employer

* Solicitor

* Accountant

* Australian Tax Office

* Medicare

* Private Health Fund

* Electoral Office

* Banks and other financial institutions

* Clubs and other organisations

* Motor Vehicle Registry

* Veterans’ Affairs

* Social Security

* Superanuation Fund

* Home Care services – eg meals on wheels

Documents to Locate

* Will – May request special funeral arrangements

* Pre-paid Funeral Plan

* Birth Certificate

* Marriage Certificate

* Citizenship Papers

* Insurance Policies – home, contents & car

* Life Insurance

* Superanuation Papers

* Bank Documents

* Propety Deeds & Mortgage papers

* Home Loan Details

* Taxation Records

* Vehicle Ownership Papers

Personal Items of Interest (for funeral service)

* Schools attended

* University attended

* Family and work history

* Positions held and Service Record

* Accomplishments – Personal & Professional

* Hobbies & Special Interests

Specific Decisions

* Choose a Funeral Director

* Burial or Cremation

* Location of Service

* Date & Time of Service

* Do you wish to view the deceased

* Is jewellery to remain or be returned

* Special clothes for the deceased -if required

* Select scripture or literature for Service

* Will a friend give a eulogy

* Select hymns or music

* Floral arrangements

* Floral or donation to a charity tributes

* If required arrange location and food for after the Service

* Thank you cards for those who give floral or donation tributes

Who is to Participate

* Clergy or Celebrant

* Pallbearers

* Organist

* Family or Friend to give Eulogy

* Family or Friend to read Scripture or Literary Extract

Transport

* Hearse arranged by Funeral Director

* Hire Car to and from funeral – arranged by Funeral Director if needed

* Friend’s Car – economical and allows people to show their support

Some of the Costs

* Funeral Director’s Service Fee

* Doctor’s Certificates

* Transfer of the deceased

* Notices in Newpapers

* Casket

* Any special preparation requested

* Cemetery or Cremation Costs

* Transport

* Floral arrangements

* Clergy or Celebrant Fee

* Music

* Church or Chapel Cost

* Collection of Ashes

From  Funeral Information Australia http://www.funeral-info.com.au

How can you best help someone who is grieving?

Ten Things to remember, when offering of sympathy words of comfort

1. Look into the eyes of the bereaved and acknowledge their loss

2. Be a listening presence is often more helpful than trying to come up with things to say.

3. Extroverted people may need to tell the story of their loss over and over again—to help them believe it. So be willing to listen, repeatedly if necessary.

4. Introverted people may be too exhausted to talk. Sitting in silence is okay and may be the most helpful response.

5. Sharing one or two fond memories of the deceased may be the most helpful words of comfort in bereavement. However endless praise about how wonderful the deceased was can also cause pain as no one can know the intimacies of the relationship between individuals.

6. Saying “if you need anything, call me” or “call me anytime” may be something you really mean, but the bereaved will not have the energy to take you up on it. Make specific offers. “Can we take you and your son to the park on Saturday?”

7. When expressing sympathy, avoid trite comforts or theories about death, including religious or spiritual phrases.  Everyone’s concepts are different; and initially, it doesn’t help at all and can be hurtful or confusing. This also stifles (or potentiates) anger that is a critical part of the grieving process. Life hurts right now!

8. If you have gone through a very closely parallel experience, let the bereaved know that; but save your stories until they come to you to talk.

9. “How are you?” is too big a question.  “What do you need?” is even more impossible.  “How are you today?” conveys concern that is manageable.  It also allows for meeting the person where they are at that moment.

10. “How are you doing it?” “You are so brave;” “I don’t think I could do it,” all seem like strange comments; as if the bereaved volunteered for this assignment.  They don’t know how they are doing it and don’t feel very brave; the fact is that they had no choice in the matter.  A simple, “You are handling this well” or “You look good” is appreciated if it is true.