To begin depriving death of its greatest advantage over us, let us adopt a way clean contrary to that common one; let us deprive death of its strangeness, let us frequent it, let us get used to it; let us have nothing more often in mind than death… We do not know where death awaits us: so let us wait for it everywhere

Author: Michel de Montaigne

 

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Author: W. H. Auden

Who is regarded as Next of Kin?

1 June 2011 at 00:08

Senior Next of Kin

 

The ‘senior next of kin’ (or their nominee) is our main point of contact throughout the coroner’s investigation.

They will be notified about any medical procedures and will also be  provided with updates on the progress of the investigation and any  medical reports provided to the coroner.

The senior next of kin is usually determined by the following order of priority:

• if the person, immediately before death, had a spouse or domestic partner—then the spouse or domestic partner is the senior next of kin

• if the person, immediately before death, did not have a spouse or  domestic partner or if the spouse or domestic partner is not  available—then a son or daughter of, or over, the age of 18 years is the senior next of kin

• if a spouse, domestic partner, son or daughter is not available—then a parent is the senior next of kin

• if a spouse, domestic partner, son, daughter or parent is not available—then a sibling who is of, or over, the age of 18 years is the senior next of kin

• if a spouse, domestic partner, son, daughter, parent, or sibling is not available—then a person named in the will as an executor is the senior next of kin

• if a spouse, domestic partner, son, daughter, parent, sibling or executor is not available—then a person who, immediately before the death, was a personal representative of the deceased is the senior next of kin

• if a spouse, domestic partner, son, daughter, parent, sibling, executor or personal representative is not available—then a person determined by a coroner to be taken as the senior next of kin because of the closeness of the person’s relationship with the deceased person immediately before his or her death.

 

From the Coronor’s Court of Victoria website.

http://www.coronerscourt.vic.gov.au/

7 Stages of Grief…

This is a guide only, as I am not a qualified medical professional. However, it gives you a basic idea of the grief process. Remember that there is no set time limit for grieving, some will grieve quickly and some will take years. Neither is ‘better’ than the other, it is just that we are different. Please make sure you speak to family or friends, or a doctor if you feel you aren’t coping. Grief is a natural process, but we can’t live there forever.

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may  deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock  provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last  for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain.  Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience  the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or  drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do  with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase. 

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame  for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage  to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up  emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to  bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will  never drink again if you just bring him back”) 

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long  period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of  grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

 During this time, you finally realize the true  magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on  purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of  the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

 5. THE UPWARD TURN-As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little  calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression”  begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find  yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your  loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and  reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-During this, the last of the seven stages in  this grief model, you learn to  accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not  necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have  experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed  before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.